Astro Film German DVD Synopsis: The legendary, precious eyes of a Buddha statue have disappeared without a trace for years. Terry Chow goes in search of the precious stones. But a rough tribe in the jungle worships the stones as a sanctuary and promises whoever brings them back a gross fortune in drugs. Because of this, countless drug lords are trying to get their hands on the stones. A deadly battle ensues between the men of the drug empire and the heavily armed friends of Terry. Satanic Crystals is an explosive adventure film with breathtaking action sequences and hard shock effects. Wild chases, dangerous firefights and beautiful scenery make this film a unique experience. (88 Mins)

 

Views: The wonderful Leung Kar Yan plays Terry Chow, an adventurer who has arrived back in Hong Kong after spending two years in South Africa. The first thing on his mind is to win back the heart of his old girlfriend Susan. But Susan has now married a hard-of-hearing, rich gangster called John during his time away, and has since moved on with her life. After stopping at a local bar to find out about Susan's whereabouts, we soon learn of Terry's martial skills after he runs into an angry pimp who is treating some local girls with disrespect. After teaching the pimp a lesson, Terry eventually finds Susan and her new husband at their home – although continues to try and win her back by asking them both out to South Africa for a holiday. But as he leaves to get the tickets (just like that), John and Susan are attacked by a gang who are in search of a map that can lead them to two glowing jade stones somewhere in Thailand and, after killing John and leaving Susan for dead, the gang leave with the map – not knowing that a second part is hidden elsewhere in the house. When Terry returns, he finds Susan barely alive although she manages to tell him where the second map is and who was behind the attack. Within minutes, Terry organises a team to head out to Thailand with him where they very quickly find one of the jade stones, but he is soon attacked by another gang of thugs and shot. After getting nursed back to health by some local villagers, Terry soon learns that the thugs are never too far behind after he returns from a hunting trip to find all the villagers dead and the jade stone missing. At this stage of the game that things start to get a little messy with the plot as a clan of Amazonian women turn-up to attack everyone, a white guy named Tiger joins the race for the jade stones, Terry is joined by an old 'Nam pal in action, some weapons dealers get involved, men get eaten by alligators, and Terry takes flight during a jet-ski chase on the jungle river! Of course, it all boils down to a fight for the jade stones, rescue missions, revenge, and plenty of insane action!

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I'd say that anyone who enjoyed the late 1980s Hong Kong adventure movies such as Armour Of God, The Seventh Curse, Iron Angels 3, or any amount of Thai action-flicks directed by Panna Rittikrai from the same period, is going to have a great time with the Tomas Tang produced Satanic Crystals. It's like a badly mixed cocktail of Eastern Condors, Fantasy Mission Force, and Stanley Tong's Stone Age Warriors – but still manages to offer enough entertainment with some exciting fight scenes, crazy stunts, fun cast, and plenty of wild antics that plants it firmly in the exploitation sub-genre of Hong Kong cinema. In fact, it actually steals some music from Jackie Chan's aforementioned classic adventure-film, and definitely had some other notes that I'm sure I've heard in other films over the years (including some Moon Lee titles). I have to admit, I was expecting so much more from this film after hearing about it for many years, but it most certainly was not the experience I was hoping for and because of this, I point the finger at writer and director Tommy Cheng Kei Ying who also co-stars as one of the gangsters in the film. Cheng started life in the industry as an actor in 1973 in Only The Brave Stands, but very quickly added a notch to his belt the following year as a martial arts director for his second film, The Owl, that saw him star alongside Michael Chan Wai Man for the first of a number of times in his career. Cheng would continue his dual roles over the next lot of years in films such as Bravest Fist, The Kung Fu Kid, Ironside 426, The Handcuff, Clones Of Bruce Lee, Gang Of Four, and Vice Squad 633 – with the man providing the script for the latter two also. But in 1981, Cheng would also turn his hand to directing and made his debut with the fun Chi Kuan Chun vehicle, Eagle Fist, of which he also starred in, produced, and choreographed. While he would continue to star in titles through to the late 90s including Billy Chong's Kung Fu Zombie and A Fistful Of Talons, Majestic Thunderbolt, Return Of The Bastard Swordsman, The Man From Holland, and others – Cheng would return to directing in the late 80s with a host of cut-and-paste titles for Filmark such as Death Code Ninja, Ninja American Warrior, Ninja Warriors From Beyond, and more as well as his own titles like this, the hard-to-find Rape In Public Sea with Lam Ching Ying (and a cameo from a young skinny Mike Leeder), and a film called Sea Climax – both of which were made in 1993 and both of which got slapped with the infamous Cat.3 label. While he toyed with these things in Satanic Crystals, such as the sex and violence, the film really sticks with the themes of action and adventure for the most part, although proves why the man with the wildest sideburns in the business – should have just stayed-put as an actor...

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As Terry Chow, Leung Kar Yan does what he can to try an make him interesting. Thankfully, he gets enough action scenes to play with that sees him face-off against a number of known Hong Kong actors, as well as doubling-up as one of the films action choreographers. After wowing fans for a strong decade with his roles in many Shaw Brothers hits as well as independent titles such as Eagle's Claw, Iron Monkey, Sleeping Fist, Thundering Mantis, and Demon Strike, as well as classics like Enter The Fat Dragon, Warriors Two, Odd Couple, Knockabout, The Victim, Dreadnought, Legend Of A Fighter, and The Postman Fights Back – and delivering his directorial debut with the brilliant Profile In Anger - the popular Leung Kar Yan's career started to get a little wobbly into the late 80s. After appearing in Ting Shan Hsi's epic Story Of Dr. Sun Yat Sen alongside Alex Man, Moon Lee, Kara Hui, Gordon Liu, and Chin Siu Ho, Leung slowed down a little – only appearing in Yuen Woo Ping's Tiger Cage over a 2 year period, with Satanic Crystals following a year later and a further four titles across 1989. While things looked like they weren't going to pick up anytime too soon for him, Leung pushed-on starring in a host of film and television titles as well as delivering his second directorial effort in 1990 with the Chow Sing Chi action-comedy, My Hero. Thankfully, it didn't take too long after that for things to start picking-up, and Leung has continued to entertain his fans through to today – going-on to star in over 150 films, a number of television shows, and has directed 10 films to date as well as working as an assistant director on films such as Tiger Cage 2 and Jackie Chan's Mr. Nice Guy.

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On paper, the cast for Satanic Crystals looks pretty impressive – but it's just a shame that, for the most of them, they just show up for a cameo as such (extended or otherwise) and often don't lend themselves to anything too important in regards to the plot. While Leung Kar Yan and director Cheng Kei Ying are the two most common faces throughout, other popular faces of Hong Kong cinema just come-and-go. The wonderful Shing Fui On stars as the pimp that gets a quick fight with Leung in the bar. Chow Sing Chi regular, Ng Man Tat, is practically wasted as Susan's deaf husband John Chai – with Susan being played by actress Daan Gwai Chi who also starred in Final Run and Ghost Ballroom the same year. Martial arts star Ha Chi Chun, who impressed in Sammo Hung's Eastern Condors, Angel Enforcers, and Aces Go Places 5, pops-up with Stuart Ong as weapons dealers and prolific Shaw Brothers villain Chiang Tao (Kong Do) gets a bit of a stronger role as one of director Cheng's men, as well as working alongside Leung as the second action-choreographer. I was excited to find out that the awesome Sun Chien (from Chang Cheh's Venom Mob) was in the film, but his role here is a far cry from what he was delivering back in his hey-day at the Shaw Brothers studio. Actress Eliza Yee appears for a brief bit of action, and regular bit-players like Paul Wong, James Ha, and Jack Wong appear as thugs here-and-there – as does Tiger Cage 3 star, Cheung Kwok Leung. It was fun to see German (I think) actor Christop Kluppel appear as Leung Kar Yan's old friend from Vietnam. Kluppel starred in a number of Thai action flicks over the years including Dark Day Express, Battle Warrior, Devils War, In Gold We Trust, and others, and comes in at the end to reprise a similar role that involves him just shooting people and blowing things up. But I was actually more excited to see George Nicholas appear as the foreign bad guy called Tiger – perhaps a reference to his role in Alexander Lo Rei's Ninja USA from a few years previous, where I first saw him as an actor along with his role in the awesome Sakura Killers – one of my favourite childhood ninja flicks. It's definitely a fun cast to say the least, but it's just a shame that they never really make a lasting impression...

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I guess the same could be said about the film as a whole, which is unfortunate as I had really hoped that Satanic Crystals would have been so much more. While the direction and editing may be shoddy at times, the cinematography doesn't help much either and offers up many dark scenes that hide some action. While I would have preferred to have seen the film in its Cantonese language with English subtitles, it's clear that the talent involved in dubbing Satanic Crystals had no idea what was going on either – which allows for some unintentional comedy admittedly. Action wise, I have to admit I did enjoy it for the most part. There was definitely enough martial arts action on offer, and to a decent degree in terms of Leung Kar Yan and China Tao's choreography. But there was also plenty of gunplay, explosions, gore-filled violence – with the wading through the river filled with alligators being one of the more highly entertaining moments – and a fun jet-ski chase on the river that allowed for some stunt work and moves that defy the laws of gravity. Regardless, and as bad as it was, Satanic Crystals was enjoyable at times but I can honestly say that it's not a title I would be going back to watch again and again. And while its title and trailer may sell the film with a plot that delves into the occult, there is no Satanism at all throughout it – which may have helped things just a little!

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Overall: While it may be cheap looking and messy at times, Satanic Crystals makes for a fun watch (at least once) for the sake of its interesting cast and some crazy action scenes!

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DVD Extras: Trailers, Photo Gallery